The Onion | Bush Bravely Leads 3rd Infantry Into Battle

Bush the real deal

In times like these, never forget to check ‘The Onion‘. read the entire thing — Bush, yeah, that man is da bomb!

The Onion | Bush Bravely Leads 3rd Infantry Into Battle IRAQ-KUWAIT BORDER—As the U.S. Army’s 3rd Infantry Division began its ground assault on Iraq Monday, President Bush marched alongside the front-line soldiers, bravely putting his own life on the line for his country by personally participating in the attack.

“Bush is the real deal, and when he talks about fighting for freedom, he means it,” said Pvt. Tom Scharpling, 21. “He’d never ask one of us grunts to take any risks for our country that he wasn’t willing to take himself.”



“The Joint Chiefs of Staff kept telling him, ‘Mr. President, we beg you—stay here in Washington, where it’s safe.’ But George was having none of it,” said Maj. Gen. Buford Blount, commander of the 3rd Infantry. “He was adamant that if our boys overseas were going to risk their lives for liberty, he was going to do the same. And, by God, he proved himself a man of his word.”

The president has only been in battle for less than a week, but he has already proven himself more than willing to put himself in the line of fire.

“The president carried me through an enemy minefield after my arm had been blown off by a mortar shell, blazing away with his pistol as he delivered me to safety,” Pvt. Chris Adair said. “Then, after he’d gotten me to a medic, he went all the way back through that same minefield—carrying a 40-pound bag of ice the whole way—to retrieve my severed arm so the doctors could sew it back on. Now, thanks to President Bush, I’ll still be able to play piano for the church choir back home in Appleton, just like I promised Grandma. He is truly an American hero.”



“There may be some folks out there, born silver spoon in hand, who’d act that way, but that ain’t Bush. No, that ain’t Bush,” Elkins said. “He ain’t no fortunate son.”

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